Worst Mom of the Day Award Goes To...

Ugh. Traffic in Southern California is a fact of life. We plan our lives around it. We discuss routes and what to do if there is a traffic accident (commonly called a CalTrans alert or just our personal recent traffic PITA), so when Saturday Night Live makes fun of us in their comedy segment called "The Californians", it is not far off.

My ex-husband moved to another high school district when he moved back into the country last October to give the kids a better choice in high schools. That means their high school is a twenty minute drive away from me. On a good day without traffic. And what day can we predict will be a good day?

The kids started high school last week, while at their dad's house for the week (we share custody, seven days on, seven days off, 50-50) which is about a twenty minute walk,  a twelve-thirteen minute ride, or a five minute drive from their house. Leaving from my house, we decided on leaving forty five minutes early on the first two days. Today, knowing that I had been dropping them off twenty minutes before their first period, I thought we might leave a bit later. We left with thirty five minutes to spare. But...

An accident closed off the two far right lanes where the 5 North and South connector roads meet up with the only freeway going East/West in our part of San Diego. People already act like boneheads when they are trying to get on either freeway or continue on to the end of the East/West freeway that we were on. So the boneheads won this morning. My temper was frayed, just as much as my tardy children's were. We yelled at each other just as we were parting ways.

You know, I have always said "I say I love you every time we part because what would we want our last words to each other be, should something happen? That's what I would want you to remember me by." Except today is was along the lines of (sarcastically) "Thanks a lot Leo!" to his yelling at me that I didn't stop where he thinks I should have to drop them off in front of their school.

What a way to start the day, right? Except...

I want to be better than this. I want to be that calm mother, who has her kids on time every day, who has the best lunches given out, that her kids are always neat as a pin, admired by their peers, and always has a loving word to say. That "mother" was not me, today.  All I can do is try harder for the rest of the day.

And say "fuck it". I'm not perfect. I can laugh at myself. Now give me my "worst Mother of the Day" award, so I can go back to trying to better myself. Maybe I need to meditate on expectations today?